I believe that we shape our own lives based on the choices that we make. Naturally external circumstances can have an effect on our lives but even at a moment when the surrounding situation is unfavorable we make decisions that will take us a certain way. Personally I seem to have been given the gift of never feeling a lot of regret. I have made choices in my life that in hindsight were not very good but I think I learned something from these decisions anyway. They probably took me on a path I would otherwise have missed and they taught me not to fear failure. The worse case scenario is only as bad as you yourself let it be.
So, why do I write this? Well, the last few days I was confronted with other people’s choices and other peoples ideas on how to live your life which made me think about my own choices. When you have a family you want to make choices that generate as much happiness to as many as possible. If the kids would hate our move to Sweden and feel miserable here we could not have stayed here. Their happiness is central to my happiness! Luckily they have adjusted just fine and have settled in really well. I think the quality of life that they experience here is worth a lot and this obviously has an impact on my other choices. When I miss the big city life or the openness (and craziness) of the Dutch society I put this in relation to what we as a family get out of living here and then I feel that we made the right decision. However, and this is the crucial point, I firmly believe that all our decisions are made in a state of mind that is not going to last. Life is not a constant but a process and we are all life puzzles under construction. In a few years’ time (or tomorrow) our wants and needs might have changed and then we have to make new choices.
Sometimes I feel that people stick too much to the decisions they have made. We fear that if we change our minds we might cause so much trouble that it is better to stay put. It is not shameful to admit that a made decision was wrong because you probably took it under other circumstances.
Jochem and I once bought a house in Almere, the NL (well I bought a house with Jochem’s money as he had no time to go to the viewing) and after 3 months we hung up the last lamp in the house and sat down on the sofa.
-Do you think we will stay here for a long time, Jochem asked me.
- Actually no. This does not feel really right I answered.
- Oh, I am so happy you feel this way too, Jochem responded and the next day we put a sign in the garden that the house was for sale.
At this moment there were 27 houses for sale at our (very long) street and the market was far from good. We got rid of the house and it did cost us a bit but we made the right decision. We moved back to Nijmegen where we used to live previously, I quit my job and Jochem started job hunting in Nijmegen. We told everyone that now we would focus on our family and that we felt the most at home in Nijmegen, the Netherlands. Half a year later we packed our belongings and moved to South Africa instead. A job offer and a chance of experience something completely different made us change our minds again. However, the aim was still to spend more time together and that we did!
My message to you;
You are the choices you make in life and you can live with any choice you make! Strive for happiness!!
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