I had breakfast with the children this morning and it was a morning talking about granpa Jacuqes who passed away on Saturday night. The girls had lots to say and many thoughts but Nils sat quiet eating his Cherrios. And then, when we were just about finished he leaned over and said:
- Mum, now I want you to tell me what happens after.
- After what I asked.
- After death. What happens after death?
- Oh … I think grandpa believed in heaven. I think he went to heaven. No one knows what happens after death but I like to believe that we go where we want to go. Or where we were destined to go if we go anywhere. I don’t have a complete answer for you but I think you have to find your answer from many places or maybe from within.
Ingrid, who had been sitting opposite us at the breakfast table entered the discussion.
- What do you believe and what does dad think? Why do some people fight about being Protestant or Catholics while you two live happily together?
I wanted to ask her what she knew about Catholics and Protestants and where she had heard about the difficulties that has surrounded these groups for centuries but this was not the moment. We talk little about religion in our family as I think both Jochem and I have had trouble in finding faith in our own systems. Maybe we have created our own personal view on life, death and what brings sense to our lives and suddenly I remembered something Jochem said to Elsa a few years ago.
Elsa, then 5 or 6 came home and said with an angry voice to us.
- I am not baptised and I am the most religious in this family. You two are baptised and you do not believe fully.
Jochem answered her by saying that he sees himself more as a humanist and has always found it difficult to feel truly Catholic but if she was interested in learning more about the Catholic faith he would help her find out more. He then asked her if she knew what the ideas around humanism are and Elsa responded.
- It is something like you. Something about humour!
And then she smiled as if thinking that it was quite suitable for her dad to be a crazy humanist.
Maybe we all have our own ideas about faith, religion and life after death. Nils was not satisfied with my answer and also told me so. I guess a 7 year old needs to get the pieces fit the puzzle but I think Ingrid and Elsa could accept my answer. Together we could all agree that if there is a heaven, Granpa Jacques is there right now.
Tonight my parents arrived from Lund and as we talked about the funeral, which will take place in the Netherlands on Friday, they asked what could be a suitable way to show affection to Nell and to the family. Should they get flowers or put money in a foundation supporting something special? I have no idea. I have never been to a Catholic funeral before and I have never been to a funeral in the Netherlands. In Sweden we sometimes have funerals several weeks after the passing and in the Netherlands it is within 6 days. It occurred to me that even after 13 years together, Jochem and I still learn from each other, discover more about each other’s cultures, religions and families and I feel grateful to be a part of that.
And while on the Internet I found a saying, which I feel, would suit the man who calls himself a little bit a Catholic, a little bit a humanist and a little bit crazy. So here is a quote for Jochem;
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."
~Erma Bombeck
May 2013
in Ulricehamn
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
The last sacrament of Jacques Geeraedts
Jochem called me yesterday as I sat waiting for a flight in Oviedo, Spain to bring me back home to Sweden. The family in the Netherlands had called and Jochems dad was not doing well. It was time for the last sacrament and time to take farewell.
It is never easy to say farewell and especially when it is someone close to you, someone who has had a serious role in shaping the person you have become, the person you are. I think it goes against everything we are used to, to see our parent’s mortality. They have always been there and they were here first.
- He has had a good life, Jochem said to me, as if trying to convince his heart it was not as bad as if felt.
I sat at the airport trying to make my picture of Jacques whom I met the first time in 1997 and I think Jochem is right. Jacques has had a good life. Not an easy life but a life well lived with a partner next to him who made hard times easier. I had a book with me at the airport, which seamed to fit the moment and the mindset I was in. Let me sing you gentle songs by Linda Olsson tells a story about life, death and the choices we have to make to be able to take in love. My Jacques is a gentle, humble man of few words with a great love for teaching and sport – a man who was not afraid of love. I only met that Jacques the first few years in the late 90s and more occasionally in the years to come. In 1999 he got lost while visiting us in Nijmegen and the year after he took Ingrid, then 1, for a walk and disappeared. Several hours later, with the help of the police and an observant person they were found. Jochem went to pick them up and Jacques, filled with shame said:
- all the houses and all the streets looked the same and I had no address.
Jochem responded by telling him how they had written a note with the address and put in the wallet. Jacques had a look in his wallet and found the note. He cried.
Alzheimer is a terrible decease and it affects everyone. Jacques had it but both Nell and Jacques suffered from it, just as the rest of the family. For some years the progression was quite slow but a year or two ago Jochem realized that Jacques did not recognize him anymore. There were moments that were clearer, when memories and people would find a way into Jacques mind but they became more and more rare. Two weeks ago Jacques moved into a special home. It was a big and difficult step for Nell but a step they had to take. They have spent more than 55 years together, shared numerous moments together and climbed both mountains and travelled deep valleys.
The last sacrament is a rite in which God is uniquely active according to Catholics. As a protestant I have little knowledge of this rite but know it is important to Nell and Jacques. Yesterday a priest arrived to sprinkle holy water and say a prayer. I have learned that the last sacrament means that the priest will lay his hands on the person. The use of the priest's hands is a sign the Holy Spirit is being called down to support the dying person. The forehead and hands of the person are anointed with an oil which means that the dying person is given peace in their last moments and sins are forgiven. I like to believe that this is a special moment for both Jacques and Nell, a moment which will strengthen them on the journey to come. If you have shared 55 years together it is not easy to part.
I arrived home from Spain at midnight and Jochem left for the Netherlands at 5 am this morning. We talked about Jacques and we talked about what he has passed on to Jochem and to me.
- My dad took me to the gym hall at the school where he taught PE every Saturday when I was a kid, Jochem said. We would do gymnastic, play football, climb and practice all kinds of sports. He was there, he made me feel great, he had time and if I as a father to my kids can make them feel the same way I will have succeeded.
Every person leaves something behind, something worth keeping. We have had lots of gifts from Jacques.
Jacques Geeraedts 1926 07 18-2011 01 29
It is never easy to say farewell and especially when it is someone close to you, someone who has had a serious role in shaping the person you have become, the person you are. I think it goes against everything we are used to, to see our parent’s mortality. They have always been there and they were here first.
- He has had a good life, Jochem said to me, as if trying to convince his heart it was not as bad as if felt.
I sat at the airport trying to make my picture of Jacques whom I met the first time in 1997 and I think Jochem is right. Jacques has had a good life. Not an easy life but a life well lived with a partner next to him who made hard times easier. I had a book with me at the airport, which seamed to fit the moment and the mindset I was in. Let me sing you gentle songs by Linda Olsson tells a story about life, death and the choices we have to make to be able to take in love. My Jacques is a gentle, humble man of few words with a great love for teaching and sport – a man who was not afraid of love. I only met that Jacques the first few years in the late 90s and more occasionally in the years to come. In 1999 he got lost while visiting us in Nijmegen and the year after he took Ingrid, then 1, for a walk and disappeared. Several hours later, with the help of the police and an observant person they were found. Jochem went to pick them up and Jacques, filled with shame said:
- all the houses and all the streets looked the same and I had no address.
Jochem responded by telling him how they had written a note with the address and put in the wallet. Jacques had a look in his wallet and found the note. He cried.
Alzheimer is a terrible decease and it affects everyone. Jacques had it but both Nell and Jacques suffered from it, just as the rest of the family. For some years the progression was quite slow but a year or two ago Jochem realized that Jacques did not recognize him anymore. There were moments that were clearer, when memories and people would find a way into Jacques mind but they became more and more rare. Two weeks ago Jacques moved into a special home. It was a big and difficult step for Nell but a step they had to take. They have spent more than 55 years together, shared numerous moments together and climbed both mountains and travelled deep valleys.
The last sacrament is a rite in which God is uniquely active according to Catholics. As a protestant I have little knowledge of this rite but know it is important to Nell and Jacques. Yesterday a priest arrived to sprinkle holy water and say a prayer. I have learned that the last sacrament means that the priest will lay his hands on the person. The use of the priest's hands is a sign the Holy Spirit is being called down to support the dying person. The forehead and hands of the person are anointed with an oil which means that the dying person is given peace in their last moments and sins are forgiven. I like to believe that this is a special moment for both Jacques and Nell, a moment which will strengthen them on the journey to come. If you have shared 55 years together it is not easy to part.
I arrived home from Spain at midnight and Jochem left for the Netherlands at 5 am this morning. We talked about Jacques and we talked about what he has passed on to Jochem and to me.
- My dad took me to the gym hall at the school where he taught PE every Saturday when I was a kid, Jochem said. We would do gymnastic, play football, climb and practice all kinds of sports. He was there, he made me feel great, he had time and if I as a father to my kids can make them feel the same way I will have succeeded.
Every person leaves something behind, something worth keeping. We have had lots of gifts from Jacques.
Jacques Geeraedts 1926 07 18-2011 01 29
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I would do it all over again!
The new year has started with yet more snow and yesterday we discovered that our snow shovel had been stolen (yes, even in small towns things disappear!). Due to the enormous amounts of snow in the last months it is almost impossible to buy a new one. Suddenly it is not only the price of gold and lithium that is raising but how much do we have to pay for a second hand snow shovel in Ulricehamn today? Actually, you cannot even find anyone selling a snow shovel in Ulricehamn right now. Luckily we´ve got great neighbours who lent us theirs. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever get to spring again but so far we are all enjoying the snow and the skiing possibilities we have here. Nils (7) has started to snowboard and the girls spend days skiing and snowboarding (they are still off school).
In March we have lived 3 years in Ulricehamn and I am still stunned and grateful for the beautiful surroundings we live in. 10 minutes outside town we have the downhill ski area and a 10 minute walk from home we can go cross country skiing. I walk to work (as part of our assignment to become a climate smart family) and Ulricehamn greets me every morning with beautiful old buildings, an ice covered lake and slippery hills. I am not sure I would have noticed the beauty of the place had I not lived in so many other places before. I have seen fantastic places around the world but here we have it in our everyday life and accessible for everyone. I think Ulricehamn should use this advantage even more in order to attract both companies, new inhabitants and tourists from close by and far away. (Currently working on it)
In February I will attend the Emigratie Beurs outside Utrecht again and I keep on meeting more and more Europeans who have chosen to move to Ulricehamn. I always ask them the same questions and their answer is often very similar to my own. I ask them why! Why Ulricehamn.
We moved from the Netherlands to Sweden in order to get another pace in our lives, to be able to enjoy life more without traffic jams and stressed people, to improve our living standard and to get a new challenge in life. At the kids school they have classmates from Denmark, Germany, the Netherlands, Croatia, Spain, Norway, Irak, China and Sweden of course. I like to think that the international atmosphere at school balances small town life and give the kids a feel for both worlds at once.
I turned 39 the other day and this weekend I will have a women-only dinner with friends from Ulricehamn and friends from Lund. Jenny and I met 21 years ago while some of my guests are newfound friends – they all give my life an extra dimension, makes me feel included and enhance the feeling that life is what you make of it!
Can’t wait to see them all on Saturday!!
In March we have lived 3 years in Ulricehamn and I am still stunned and grateful for the beautiful surroundings we live in. 10 minutes outside town we have the downhill ski area and a 10 minute walk from home we can go cross country skiing. I walk to work (as part of our assignment to become a climate smart family) and Ulricehamn greets me every morning with beautiful old buildings, an ice covered lake and slippery hills. I am not sure I would have noticed the beauty of the place had I not lived in so many other places before. I have seen fantastic places around the world but here we have it in our everyday life and accessible for everyone. I think Ulricehamn should use this advantage even more in order to attract both companies, new inhabitants and tourists from close by and far away. (Currently working on it)
In February I will attend the Emigratie Beurs outside Utrecht again and I keep on meeting more and more Europeans who have chosen to move to Ulricehamn. I always ask them the same questions and their answer is often very similar to my own. I ask them why! Why Ulricehamn.
We moved from the Netherlands to Sweden in order to get another pace in our lives, to be able to enjoy life more without traffic jams and stressed people, to improve our living standard and to get a new challenge in life. At the kids school they have classmates from Denmark, Germany, the Netherlands, Croatia, Spain, Norway, Irak, China and Sweden of course. I like to think that the international atmosphere at school balances small town life and give the kids a feel for both worlds at once.
I turned 39 the other day and this weekend I will have a women-only dinner with friends from Ulricehamn and friends from Lund. Jenny and I met 21 years ago while some of my guests are newfound friends – they all give my life an extra dimension, makes me feel included and enhance the feeling that life is what you make of it!
Can’t wait to see them all on Saturday!!
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