I had breakfast with the children this morning and it was a morning talking about granpa Jacuqes who passed away on Saturday night. The girls had lots to say and many thoughts but Nils sat quiet eating his Cherrios. And then, when we were just about finished he leaned over and said:
- Mum, now I want you to tell me what happens after.
- After what I asked.
- After death. What happens after death?
- Oh … I think grandpa believed in heaven. I think he went to heaven. No one knows what happens after death but I like to believe that we go where we want to go. Or where we were destined to go if we go anywhere. I don’t have a complete answer for you but I think you have to find your answer from many places or maybe from within.
Ingrid, who had been sitting opposite us at the breakfast table entered the discussion.
- What do you believe and what does dad think? Why do some people fight about being Protestant or Catholics while you two live happily together?
I wanted to ask her what she knew about Catholics and Protestants and where she had heard about the difficulties that has surrounded these groups for centuries but this was not the moment. We talk little about religion in our family as I think both Jochem and I have had trouble in finding faith in our own systems. Maybe we have created our own personal view on life, death and what brings sense to our lives and suddenly I remembered something Jochem said to Elsa a few years ago.
Elsa, then 5 or 6 came home and said with an angry voice to us.
- I am not baptised and I am the most religious in this family. You two are baptised and you do not believe fully.
Jochem answered her by saying that he sees himself more as a humanist and has always found it difficult to feel truly Catholic but if she was interested in learning more about the Catholic faith he would help her find out more. He then asked her if she knew what the ideas around humanism are and Elsa responded.
- It is something like you. Something about humour!
And then she smiled as if thinking that it was quite suitable for her dad to be a crazy humanist.
Maybe we all have our own ideas about faith, religion and life after death. Nils was not satisfied with my answer and also told me so. I guess a 7 year old needs to get the pieces fit the puzzle but I think Ingrid and Elsa could accept my answer. Together we could all agree that if there is a heaven, Granpa Jacques is there right now.
Tonight my parents arrived from Lund and as we talked about the funeral, which will take place in the Netherlands on Friday, they asked what could be a suitable way to show affection to Nell and to the family. Should they get flowers or put money in a foundation supporting something special? I have no idea. I have never been to a Catholic funeral before and I have never been to a funeral in the Netherlands. In Sweden we sometimes have funerals several weeks after the passing and in the Netherlands it is within 6 days. It occurred to me that even after 13 years together, Jochem and I still learn from each other, discover more about each other’s cultures, religions and families and I feel grateful to be a part of that.
And while on the Internet I found a saying, which I feel, would suit the man who calls himself a little bit a Catholic, a little bit a humanist and a little bit crazy. So here is a quote for Jochem;
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."
~Erma Bombeck
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